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Leaning Into Joy

Discover Your Path to Happiness and Joy

Grieving Through the Holidays: 50 Ideas To Help You Feel Better

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Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Grief at any time can be a burden but grief at the holidays can bring you to your knees. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Or so the song says. But what happens when you are grieving and cannot get into the holiday spirit? There is a disconnect with your surroundings and your current situation making it difficult to keep up with your emotions.

Trying to be happy when you are grieving is a tough task. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, grief, sadness, and all!?

Emotions are there for a reason and contrary to popular belief there is not a filing cabinet where we can file those difficult emotions until after the holidays. If you attempt this it may be detrimental to your healing and your health. The best way to get through it is to realize that this holiday season will be different and allow all of your emotions to flow, tears and all.

I have a friend who recently lost her husband and I have two friends who recently lost a daughter. I've been thinking about them and have written this with them in mind in an attempt to help provide support and comfort during this difficult time where all the world expects us to be happy. No need to "bah humbug" Christmas. With a little self care and permission to be authentic in your emotions you can get through this season and maybe even enjoy a few moments along the way.

I lost my mom on Christmas night 2000 so I understand grief and the holidays. I still celebrate the Christmas season but I do it in a much more thoughtful way. And I have incorporated a practice called the 13 Holy Nights into my routine making the season much more meaningful. This is normally a very tender time for me and I have learned over the years just how to get through the season and feel moments of joy along the way. This year I am also dealing with my 92 year old father, making things extremely difficult. I have leaned into radical self care, the art of saying no, and keeping things simple. 

I want to share some of the things that help me through this difficult time. You don't have to do them all. The key is to do something, almost anything to move into another emotion, the goal is to move into a better feeling emotion. First, I think it's important to start with a few don'ts.

Do not use substances to drown your sorrows (drugs & alcohol). First, alcohol is a depressant and even if you feel some relief at first, eventually it was have a negative impact. Also, when you drink or drug you numb ALL emotions, the "bad" and the "good" emotions. So you cannot feel into those simple moments of joy which is what gets you through the grief. Please don't be afraid of your emotions. Allow them to flow in and out, and if you feel stuck seek the support of a trained counselor.

Eat "comfort food" at a minimum. I have found that comfort food is similar to alcohol. It may feel good at the moment but can come back to haunt you in the end. Too much sugar weakens the immune system making you more susceptible to getting sick and grief is already stressing your body. You also run the risk of getting an upset stomach creating more trouble than help. I suggest sticking with a simple diet with balanced nutrition and plenty of fresh water. 

Now, on to the "do" list. Here are some things that make me feel better.

1. Keep things simple
2. Say NO when you need to
3. Get plenty of sleep
4. Rest your body
5. Get out of bed every morning
6. Journal
7. Create SoulCollage® cards
8. Take an epsom salt bath
9. Cuddle on the couch with blankets and an uplifting movie or music

10. Listen to music
11. Dance to the music
12. Sing with the music
13. Play with dogs and kitties
14. Call your best friend
15. Meet a friend for coffee or lunch
16. Go to the theater
17. Go see light displays. I enjoy the zoo and botanic gardens.
18. Take a walk outside
19. Eat simply
20. Drink plenty of water
21. Keep things at home tidy
22. Create a vision board
23. Adult coloring books
24. Read a good book or listen to a book on audio
25. Use essential oils. Lavender is great for sleeping. Young Living's Peace and Calming is very soothing. And Joy essential oil is specifically for grief.
26. Go outside at night and look at the stars and moon
27. Sit by the fire and watch the flames dance
28. Ask for help if you need it
29. Allow all of the feelings to flow
30. Understand that grief is a process that circles round and round
31. Practice gratitude
32. Have some fun
33. Be creative
34. Go to church
35. Allow yourself to cry
36. Allow yourself to laugh
37. Allow yourself to stay home
38. Make lists of tasks you need to accomplish
39. Make lists of fun things you want to do
40. Move your body, exercise, take a walk, lift some weights
41. Get a massage
42. Go for acupuncture
43. Meet with a counselor, mentor, or coach
44. Pray
45. Meditate
46. Breathe. Remember to breathe!
47. Be patient with yourself
48. Start a new hobby or craft
49. Celebrate and honor your loved one
50. Celebrate and honor yourself
 

This is my mom, Jeanne, 18 years ago. Just 5 days before she died. She was too ill to make it to my graduation from graduate school but she was very proud of me. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about her and many days I think about calling her. I have pictures of her all over the house. Her spirit will always be with me.

"Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Grief doesn't go away over night. Actually, grief never really goes away. It cycles and becomes a part of us. There are moments when grief seems so far away and sometimes we have moments of profound grief that completely take us by surprise. Allow those moments. Be gentle with yourself in those moments. Breathe in those moments. Rest in those moments. From each of those moments, by allowing the grief to flow, you are able to move to another level of healing. The goal is to tap into moments of joy or at least moments without grief. Let it out. Allow it to flow. Practice self care. Practice self love. If you feel stuck in your grief or have trauma associated with the person you lost, I highly encourage you to seek support from a trained counselor.

As always, if you want my support, please feel free to contact me. I can help you get to the next level of peace and step into more moments of joy. But you must allow yourself to feel the grief to get to the lasting joy. Be well. I wish you peace. I wish you love. I wish you joy.

Keeping Joy Simple

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Joy is Simple!

Well, it's supposed to be. We make things more difficult than they are. We give people power over us by worrying what others think about us. We lose perspective about situations in our lives by focusing on what's wrong rather than what's right. We complicate our lives by always looking for the extraordinary. We give our power away by looking for joy outside of ourselves. But joy is an inside job and is most easily found in simple moments. And it bubbles up from the inside of each of us when we slow down, feel in, and lean in to joy.

Here are a few suggestions to keeping joy simple

  • Have Less: Declutter, clear, clean, and organize
  • Do Less: Learn the art of saying NO. Say no more often and yes more fully
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    Meditate: Spend time in quiet reflection to clear mental clutter and get focused
  • Ask For Help: Don't be afraid to call a friend or hire someone to help
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    Be Grateful: For what you have and for what "is." Feeling into gratitude changes everything! 
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     Lean In To Joy: It's not a mighty leap. All it takes is a small shift to begin to experience joy. Keep it simple and notice.  

Joy is not an elusive thing, although it feels that way sometimes. It helps to shift our expectations and experience of joy. Other terms for joy include peaceful, contented, and satisfied. Sometimes it's just a moment of feeling satisfied.  But so often we lose the moment because we are looking for the extraordinary, or our minds are busy, or we are not tuned in because of distractions, and we miss the the moment when all is right with the world. Simple, fleeting moments. But they're there. And when we notice the simple moments we learn to lean into the next moment and the next, until joy becomes a habit. We receive more of what we focus on. Are you focusing on what's going wrong or what's going right? Focus on what's right, even if it's small and simple, and you will begin to notice the simple moments of joy. 

Filed Under: Joy

Preparing Your Environment to Get Good Sleep

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Sleep is vital to our health. To get better sleep it's important to consider your diet, activities, routines, and your sleep environment. There are many things that can be done to enhance your sleep environment to improve sleep. 

Preparing Your Sleep Environment

In addition to a regular bedtime schedule, it is important to make your bedroom a place that is conducive to sleep. The more comfortable and relaxing your sleep space is, the better your chances for falling asleep and staying asleep. Consider these tips when creating your relaxing sleep atmosphere:

  • Get rid of all annoyances and interruptions.
  • Control the room temperature; cooler air (between 65 and 70 degrees F) is typically more comfortable for sleep, however, set the temperature to your preference.
  • Allow for room ventilation, if possible. Crack a window slightly to allow for air flow. The circulating fresh air will help you breathe deeply, and provide oxygen that is essential for good sleep.
  • Use ear plugs if there are noises outside the bedroom. There are many types of plugs that are specifically for sleeping, so if at first you don’t find the perfect pair, try another.
  • Mask noises with a white noise machine if you decide to not wear earplugs.  Machines are designed specifically for this purpose, or you can use a fan or air conditioner to provide the background noise. This will hide background sounds such as traffic or a barking dog.
  • Try listening to music using a CD player to play soothing background music. (more on that later on)
  • Your circadian rhythm, your body’s internal clock, relies on light and dark patterns to determine when to signal your body to fall asleep. Keep your room as dark as possible to help your body settle into a sleep state. Use mini-blinds and thick curtains to block light from windows. Try wearing an eye mask to block any remaining light. 
  • Having a clock by your bedside might be adding to your sleep problem. If you are watching the clock all night long, face it toward the wall so that you can’t see the time. Constantly looking at the clock only makes you think about sleep, and lack of sleep, which continues the cycle of sleeplessness.
  • Consider a room humidifier for winter months when the air is dry.
  • Use your room only for sleeping. Remove the TV, computer, stereo. Your mind should associate your bedroom only with sleep.
  • Wear the most comfortable clothing you own. Non-constrictive clothing won’t wake you in the middle of the night. Or try wearing nothing at all.

Reducing Your Evening Stimulation

The best nighttime routine is one that leaves you feeling relaxed and ready to go to bed. If you are experiencing trouble falling asleep, it may be beneficial to avoid external stimulations for an hour or so before bedtime. Stimulation, such as watching television, keeps your mind active and alert. If you find it difficult to give up television before bed, try to select shows that are calming rather than aggressive, action-packed programs. 

When reducing your evening stimulation to promote healthy sleep habits, try these tips:

  • Keep your bedroom television-free. This will help your mind and body associate the bedroom with sleeping only.
  • Don’t exercise up to three hours prior to bedtime. Remember that exercise wakes up your body, and unless physical activity is done well before you plan to go to bed, it will work against you when trying to sleep.
  • Plan to unwind when returning home from being out. If you jump directly into bed, your mind and body might not have sufficient time to decompress and slip into your evening routine.
  • Try reading. Non-technical reading might help make you tired. Avoid work-related or overly complicated material.
  • Consider an adult coloring book such as Color Me Calm.
  • Avoid falling asleep without turning off the light. This will wake you up in the night and disturb your sleep cycles.

The goal is to define the fine line between stimulation and relaxation when deciding how to unwind. Being able to easily relax at night will be paramount to your success in falling asleep naturally.

Cut Out Distractions and Sources Of Light

It’s hard to fall asleep when you get distracted by a noise or some blinking lights just as you’re ready to drift off. Cut out as many noise and light distractions as you can from your bedroom. Get rid of electronic devices and invest in a good pair of curtains. Any source of light can mess with your ability to fall asleep. 

This includes your phone or tablet. It’s one of the worst sources of light, particularly because you have the device close to your face. The illumination coming off your screen tricks your brain into thinking it’s daytime. Turn off your phone and leave it in the other room when you go to bed. 

As you can see here, there are many different tips to try to help you sleep better.  Each individual has their own unique combination of elements that make up their perfect sleep environment. If one suggestion doesn’t work for you, make note and try another until you find out what works best for you. 

If you would like more information about getting better sleep, please visit www.GetGoodSleep.com.

Daytime Habits to Improve Sleep

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Your daytime routine can impact your ability to sleep well. Making good choices during the day can have a huge benefit of getting to sleep easily and staying asleep longer. Daytime activities such as eating, exercise, and stress management play a role in overall health as well as getting good sleep. 

Experts say that eating the right foods can help a person be lulled into sleep without so much hustle. If one wants to get better sleep, paying attention to what we eat will go a long way to sleep better. In addition, it’s important to avoid eating foods that may upset our stomachs or contain ingredients that stimulate the nerves and the senses such as those with caffeine content.

To help the body relax, enough physical activities, such as walking, elliptical, dancing, or weightlifting should also be included in your daytime routine. Exercise does a couple of things. Moving your body on a regular basis uses energy during the day so you can be tired at night. Daily exercise also helps with stress and anxiety. And when you take a walk outside, sunshine during the day (especially morning sun) also helps you sleep at night (balances your circadian rhythm). More on that shortly.

How Foods Affect Your Sleep 

Your diet matters and impacts your ability to fall asleep and maintain sleep at night. By eating a healthy diet, avoiding processed foods, sugar, fat, and preservatives, you may find that you can stop the cycle of insomnia and improve your overall health.

Consider these guidelines for a healthy sleep diet:

  • Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables.
  • Eat lean protein and limit red meat.
  • Avoid processed foods, sugar, and fast food.
  • Avoid spicy, fatty and heavy foods.  
  • If you need a snack before bed, make it low in fat and sugar.
  • Eat your last meal four or more hours before bedtime. 
  • Try not to overeat at your nighttime meal.
  • Drink plenty of water throughout the day. A well hydrated body won’t wake up in the night because of dehydration.

Watch yourself for food allergies that might be subtly causing you sleep disturbances. Common food allergies that might affect your sleep patterns are wheat, dairy products, corn and chocolate.

A well-balanced, wholesome diet will help you be a healthier person overall.  General health is a huge factor in your ability to fall asleep naturally. If your daily intake of food is healthy, your body and mind will be healthy and well-nourished, helping you sleep deeply without waking in the night.

Stay Away from Internal Stimulants

While there are many external stimulates in your environment, there are also stimulants that affect your body from the inside. Impacting the way you feel, think, and relax, these products contain caffeine, sugar, and chemicals. While you don’t need to completely remove these items from your diet, you do need to pay attention and be sure not to ingest them after dinnertime to avoid difficulty falling asleep.

  • Caffeinated beverages. Caffeine wakes up your body and mind by raising your heart rate. Since it has this effect, it is considered a stimulant. Coffee, colas, teas, and chocolate beverages contain caffeine. Have your last caffeinated beverage at least 3-4 hours prior to bedtime to avoid having difficulty sleeping. 
  • Chocolate. Chocolate has caffeine and sugar, both of which are stimulants that will keep you from having a restful night’s sleep. Do not have chocolate for 2-3 hours prior to bedtime.
  • Alcohol. While alcoholic beverages might make you feel drowsy and help you fall asleep, the sleep is typically not restful. For example, you might find yourself waking up in the middle of the night feeling dehydrated, then have trouble falling back to sleep. If you have sleep problems, alcohol really isn’t your friend.
  • Smoking.  Tobacco contains nicotine which is a stimulant. Your body’s nicotine dependency can cause your body to wake when the level of nicotine in your system becomes low. Try not to smoke in the hours before bedtime. Better yet, quit for good to improve your sleep and your overall health.

The Benefits of Sunlight to Help You Sleep

It may surprise you that getting morning sun can help you sleep at night. So go outside and soak up some sunshine, preferably within two hours of waking up. Morning sunlight boosts your daytime energy and can contribute to regular, more restful sleep. Here’s why, “every living thing responds to the greater rhythm of night and day, darkness and sunlight, called circadian rhythms.  Sunlight regulates circadian rhythms, our sleeping and waking cycles, and a host of hormones involved in our overall wellbeing.” For more information about the circadian system you can visit www.sleepfoundatoin.org.

Physical Activity
Being active during the day is an important factor in how well you sleep at night. If you are physically active during the day, your body will be able to relax and fall asleep easier. Exercise helps your body deal with daily stress and anxiety and it has a positive impact on the chemicals in your brain. How much you exercise is linked to your physical and emotional health. Regular exercise will help you fall asleep and maintain a sleep state because your sleep cycles become more consistent and the transition between them becomes more seamless. Try to work physical activities into your life daily to help with sleep.

There is some controversy around when the perfect time is to be physically active. Some studies say morning activity is best while other studies say later in the afternoon or evening is best. Sometimes if you exercise too late it ramps up your body making it difficult to fall asleep. You decide what time works best for you. 

The most important thing is to be physically active for at least 20-30 minutes a day, 3-4 times per week. Aerobic activities usually work best to remedy insomnia, and activities can range from an easy walk to a rigorous run. By making your heart rate go up, improving your lung capacity, and adding oxygen into your blood, your body will be in better health and you’ll be on your way to naturally enhancing your sleep.

In addition to aerobic exercise, there are other types of physical activity you can participate in that will benefit sleep. Consider yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong. Yoga affects the brain and core muscles and improves blood circulation. Using yogic breathing techniques will help you relax and live with less stress. Tai Chi incorporates breathing with body movements in a slow-moving style that is perfect for individuals with joint pain or other issues that keep you from high-impact exercise. Qigong is similar to Tai Chi as well as meditation. It uses the breath to move energy through your body. 

If you are having a difficult time falling asleep or stying asleep consider your diet and the amount of exercise you get in each day. Sometimes by making a few easy changes you can get back to a good night's sleep quickly. If you want more information, I invite you to consider my new self-study program, Get Good Sleep at www.GetGoodSleep.com. 


The Importance of Sleep

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Let’s talk about sleep. More importantly let’s talk about getting enough quality sleep each and every night. Why is this important? If you’ve ever gone a night without being able to sleep or have functioned on little sleep for any extended period of time in your life, you know first-hand how much sleeping or lack thereof impacts all aspects of your life.

Sleep’s Impact On Your Health
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Getting a good night’s sleep is an important part of living a healthy lifestyle. Without adequate rest, your immune system will be compromised and you tend to get sick more easily.

Of course it doesn’t stop there. Lack of sleep has also been linked to increased weight-gain and all the negative effects of metabolic syndrome. Diabetics often notice their blood sugar levels and insulin levels getting out of whack when they don’t sleep enough. The same happens to your own body when you don’t practice healthy sleep habits. This explains the weight gain and related issues.

Combined with metabolic syndrome, lack of sleep has been shown to increase your risk of stroke and heart disease. That’s a scary thought, isn’t it? While a sleepless night here and there shouldn’t have you too worried, getting into good sleep habits should be something each and every one of us aims for.

Last but not least, you’re more prone to get injured when you’re running on too little sleep. To stay healthy, you need to make sleep a priority.

Sleep’s Impact On Your Emotional Wellbeing
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Lack of sleep also wreaks havoc on our emotions. Sadness, joy, fear, anxiety… all strong emotions are amplified and blown out of proportion when you haven’t slept. Thus the expression “It will look different in the morning”. 

While this is an important concept to keep in mind when you’re dealing with insomnia or other reasons for having to go without enough sleep, there’s also a strong connection to depression. Don’t increase your risk of becoming depressed by burning the candle from both ends for too long. You’ll feel better when you’re getting plenty of rest. I encourage you to make it a priority.

Sleep’s Impact On Your Mind

Finally, let’s talk about the brain and mind. Sleep helps you process thoughts, ideas, and experiences. Without sleep we often feel fuzzy. It’s harder to concentrate and focus because our brain just isn’t working as well as it should. Lack of sleep also reduces our ability to remember. If you want to improve your memory, focus, and clarity of thought, work on getting a solid night’s sleep on a regular basis. 

There’s a reason you’re discouraged from driving when you’re very sleep deprived. The effect is similar to that of alcohol. Your decision making ability is impaired and your reaction time slows down.

Getting enough sleep keeps your brain working at its best. Isn’t’ it time you started making good sleep habits a high priority?

If you or someone you know is have a difficult time sleeping, I invite you to visit www.GetGoodSleep.com for my self study program about getting better sleep naturally.